Happy (or maybe not so happy) Mother’s Day dear friends
I always thought that it’s a day of celebration that I’ve made it through 365 days with my boys still call me “Mommy,” dispense spontaneous hugs or come to me when I flash my jazz hands, my own sign language for “Come to mama and give me a big squeeze.” Over the years, the enthusiasm for “jazz hands,” diminished. I understand because over time I lose my gravitational pull on these satellites as they slowly chart their own course. Their orbits don’t revolve around me. But on Mother’s Day, I always thought about the long list of demands I wanted.
They should do this for me on this day because… I deserve this because… Of all the things I have done for them over 364 days, today is “give-back-day” or more like “pay-back-day.”
https://twitter.com/annelamott/status/1522600633252995072?s=21
https://www.facebook.com/AnneLamott
Reading what Anne Lamott wrote on Mother’s Day made me aware of the pain Mother’s Day could bring others. I have been utterly self-absorbed with what I deserve on this day that I fail to see beyond my petty needs, and there’s a world with people hurting on this day deeply. It could be mothers who have lost a child or children who lost a mother. Those who had abusive mothers. Those who can’t or decided not to be mothers.
And what if that person who’s hurting could be my own mother. When was the last time I called my mother on Mother’s Day? I think I’ve tried to, but do I do it every year? I’m sure she stopped sitting around staring at her phone waiting for my calls. The demand I expected for me, I neglected to apply for my mom. So when my children call me a hypocrite, I can say with sincerity that they are right. I am a hypocrite and I will finally say “I’m sorry” and mean it. I’m sorry for neglecting to celebrate my own mother on Mother’s Day many times. I will never be able to make up for all the miss calls, unsent cards, and unbought gifts. But I hope from here onwards; it will change. And I hope it will also change for you, at least just for today. Close your social media, stop looking at how other people are celebrating Mother’s Day and how you’ve dealt a shorthand for it, and pick up the phone and call your mom, or a cool mom you know, or someone who has been like a mom to you and say you love them. Or if that’s not your thing to say “I love you,” say what you appreciate about them. Recall happy moments you shared.
Here are some thoughts to help you get started:
.The best and most delicious meal we shared was… (I always like to start with food)
. My favorite dish you make is ________ I still remember it because…
. My favorite trip that we took together…
. My first memory of you was…
. I will never forget you in this outfit…
. What was the hardest thing about raising me
. What was the one thing about me as a child that drove you crazy? Do I still do it now?
. My favorite thing that you do for me is…
. This one thing you do that is so uniquely you is…
(See where the conversation flows and where it will take you)
I hope this Mother’s Day, you will forge a deeper and more meaningful connection with your mom and other moms around you. And I’m truly sorry if this day is triggering for you. I’m sending a big hug your way.